Saturday, May 30, 2009

Time for Forgiveness?

Presently, I'm still anguishing in pain. I can't find the strength to forgive and forget everything that has been unjustifiably done to me. I know my reactions were exaggerated however beyond the bounds of my sanity, I can't still unravel the mistakes enacted by the antagonist in my life.

For now, I'm remunerating on this passage to help me get over my laughable misery!

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

I desire that someday, on my birthday, I could find solace, peace, happiness, true love and a blessed life!!! *cease the day*

Friday, May 29, 2009

My Hostile Heart

"What would you feel when someone bruised you and tormented you into pieces?! What would you do when someone caused you so much suffering that you wish you were never born?! would you ever want to live or rather die?"

This were the torturous, excruciating, harrowing ideas meddling on my mind today. Someone caused me so much pain this day and it feels like I can never forgive that person. Today, the devil had driven my patience to the heart is now full of anguish towards the devil. For years, I submissively followed her rules, avoided any arguments, refrained from causing any commotion that might ruined everything but finally she elicit another mistake and it has driven me to the extremes now.... some people laugh about it, some people tell me it's passable and might be happening for a reason but i wonder, what reason might that be?!

The devil finally broke me into pieces...last year, she did this to me however, I gained the passion to forgive her and understand the situation but this time, I just couldn't understand it anymore...I've been good to her, I've been her weakling puppy-staff, followed everything she wanted, said yes to all her orders but what do I get?! even a day of rest for my birthday, she couldn't even grant, she's so mean, she even scheduled me on a graveyard shift on the day of my supposedly happy birthday!!! how could I forgive a person like her?! tell me...I guess, I'm just so emotional, childish and overly dramatic but my mind tells me that what she did was wrong, my heart tells me that I'm hurting and it's hard to understand everything!!!

All I wanted is to be happy on my day, all I wanted was to rest from all the hardships in my work, in my life...all i wanted was to be at peace but now all my plans are ruined...I guess, I just have to sleep all day long on my day after working on a graveyard shift, I'll just be dreaming of the blissful things that should have happened or might have happened....

What a chaotic life it has been... I tried to calm myself down, cried it all out, prayed for it to changed but for now, I'm still trying to mend my heart and understand everything that is and will be happening in my deranged life!!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Angels and Demons

Recently, I watched the film "Angels and Demons"... one of the best novels by Dan Brown. It's a breathtaking film/'s pulse-pounding, intriguing, suspenseful, and very imaginative. The movie itself is very entertaining for me despite what some critics commented, the movie hasn't showed the precise story in the book and had deleted a lot of pertinent information. However, the message relayed in the movie still impinged on me, even got teary-eyed in some parts of the movie. For me, everything about the movie is admirable, luring and unearthing!!
Other critics flap that the movie tests your faith and might changed everything you believe in however, the movie did test my faith... it proved that my faith in my creator remained perpetual!! *wink*

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Come What May

This is one of my favorite songs and movie...

Come What May... I will love you till my dying day!!! *wink*

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I'm yours

I've found this video from you tube, and it really struck me...dunno why...but i guess it's because I'm hurting, I'm longing and I'm confused!!

For years now, I've been watching Ghost Whisperer, got so addicted with the series that I totally believed that it's possible that spirits may stay earth bound forever as long as they wish to and as long as they want to be with the one they love. Ghost Whisperer made me believe in true love, the relationship depicted by Mel and Jim is so amazing and true, their love is unconditional and really persisted till life after death.
For me, their love encompasses everything that I've dreamed of, everything that i hoped for, everything that I couldn't have..maybe that's why I've been so emotional and attached with this video and this movie..for it has everything I crave for......pure LOVE!!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

Mother’s day is a holiday to celebrate and honor the mothers. We are all greatly influenced by our mothers; we get our source of inspiration throughout our lives from our mothers, who sacrificed their lives for our happiness and life. A mother can be defined in a lot of ways, but merely these words are enough to depict what they truly are: mothers are love, kindness, forgiveness, sacrifice, care, compassion, tears, faith, loyalty and never-ending passion. Being a mom is living and dying for her children.
Here are among the best descriptions/quotes of what composes a “Mother”
- “A mother's love is instinctual, unconditional, and forever.”- unknown
- “Mother is the bank where we deposit all our hurts and worries.” – unknown
- “A mother loves her children even when they least deserve to be loved.”- Kate Samperi
- “Mother is the one we count on for the things that matter most of all.” - Katherine Butler Hathaway, "The Journals and Letters of the Little Locksmith"
- “A mother understands what a child does not say.” - Jewish proverb
- “Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible.”- Unknown
Knowing this, I’ve recalled one scenario that smacked me; it was when one of my patients died, she’s a mother, when she passed away, her sons were crying and simply said to us, “You’re still lucky for you still have your parents with you, and you should treasure every moment you are with them for they will never be with you forever, you will never know when they’ll be gone so as early as now, you must show them how much they mean to you”
Now, I’ve realized the importance of celebrating mother’s day, it’s cherishing the person who gave life to me, who cared for me and loved me despite of what I am. I made mistakes before, I’ve been a bad daughter and hence it’s true that we will never know the love of our parents until we become parents ourselves. I won’t wait for that day to come for now I’ll start loving each day I am with my mother and father too!!

This song from the spice girls entitled “MAMA” is one of my favorite songs, I used to sing this all the time during my teenage years, the lyrics depicted a lot of my past encounters with my mom which now inspires me…Love you Mama!! (though I don’t say it aloud)

Monday, May 4, 2009

Love Bears All Things...

Love always exists in everything we do, without it, we find it hard to interact with others, and we find it hard to choose the life we desire. In choosing to serve someone, Love is always there, we can’t give up our life for a person without loving him/her. Moreover, In life, there are many challenges and pain that comes in our way. We try to fight it, run from it, hide from it and some just go for it but despite this entire thing, we end up living the real essence of life despite every storm for the reason that “Love conquers all”

Thereby, what is Love?

As quoted, Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. Further, Love is the greatest emotion of all, the wonderful thing created by God, the most expensive thing on heaven and earth. Love is the choice to do what is best for another person. Love is friendship. Love understands shares and forgives; it is loyalty through good and bad. Love settles for less than perfection and concedes human weaknesses. Love is caring, patient and kind, love doesn’t expect anything, it knows when to put pride aside, it is unconditional, giving and selfless. Love isn’t egotistical, it’s not arrogant and domineering, Love doesn’t insist in its own way. Love is an undying devotion; it is yearning to be physically and emotionally intimate. Love is believing, sharing, dreaming, inspiring, forgiving, understanding, caring and adoring. Love is Honesty. Love is supporting but not overbearing. Love is faithful and loyal. Love is not breathlessness, it is not pleasure, and it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up, and never truly moving on. Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what's left of your heart that they feel the same. In the end, Love endures all, hopes all and bears all.

How do we know its love?

True Love exist when the aspects of caring, respect, acceptance, forgiving and trust is present. Love can’t be true when a person doesn’t respect the other. We can’t love if we can’t accept the mistakes of the other, and love his or her imperfections. If you love someone, you choose to be patient with them (be very slow to get angry with them), you choose to treat them well. There are times when choosing to love someone comes at great cost. If you love someone you would be willing to give up everything for them, but if they loved you back they’d never ask you to. You feel love, when you have to sacrifice something: time, money, energy, sometimes the greatest cost will be giving up your own life so that someone else can live and despite all this, you are happy and contented, you do not seek anything in return. When it really cost you something to persevere in a relationship or to help someone, it becomes the real test to find out if you truly love the person. If you bail out, guess what, you have just proved that you love yourself more than the person who needs your help. If you do what is best for the other person even though it is hard or costly for you…you have discovered real love, a love that you choose to exercise regardless how you feel.

Friday, May 1, 2009

The Kiss

For me, Love is the greatest emotion on earth and when you are in love, you do the most absurd thing you could never imagine you are capable of and no matter how it all ended, you remain happy and complacent!
Years ago, My man sent me a letter containing this poem:

"There is danger in kissing a stranger. Yes, I know it and you know it. But my darling, in spite of the danger, I will do it for you, I would never be happy unless I had the chance of kissing you because I know your lips were intended for me. Such a thing could be, there is danger in kissing, my darling but only when love is not true. I love you, my beloved, so there is no danger and I will do it for you,"

Reading his letter made me laugh for the content of the poem was so cute and tempting. I was trying to decipher what he meant by his letter and guess what, just read the poem again and you'll know what happened next……......
well, I fell in love and became happy till this day!!! mwah!! (hehehehe!*wink*)